Why Now?
Why now? Why work on this now?
What caused you to get to this point?
What event or circumstance pushed you to want to make a change?
Maybe you are sick and tired of living in fear. It could be that year after year, you vow to do something about your anxiety or depression but still find yourself in the same place.
Figuring out the answer to the “why now” question is crucial if you want to make lasting changes.
“To see a shift or change in your life, you need more reasons to work for change than reasons to stay still.” Debra Fileta
Once you have a clear answer to the “why now” question, it is important to understand why you do the things you do.
The Why of Healing
There is always a reason why we do what we do. Behind every behavior, there’s some sort of reward.
Since all of us have things we want to change, perhaps a good place to start is looking at unhealthy behaviors.
Unhealthy Behaviors.
In no way am I trying to oversimplify these behaviors. These issues are complex, but for the sake of this exercise, I will make some generalizations.
Overthinking, obsessing, or worrying
If you overthink things, there is a reason behind it. I have found this is typically my way of exercising control over a situation. I do believe that thinking things through is a good practice, but there is a fine line between logical processing and overthinking.
Obsessing is not the same as overthinking, but the two are very close in nature.
In my experience, worrying and obsessing is another way for me to exercise control over a situation.
Overeating
Perhaps eating excessively provides us comfort. Maybe it is a way to deal with the stress in our lives.
Reward
Science calls our body’s response to this reward a “reward response” reaction.
When we’re exposed to a rewarding stimulus such as a behavior, our brains release the feel-good chemical dopamine, sending a rush of pleasure to our bodies.
“For us to really change, the benefits of changing have to become greater than the benefits of staying the same. The reward has to flip to the other side. What we want to do, to change, or fix has to become more rewarding than what we’re currently doing.”
In order for us to make this shift in perspective, we will need to exhibit intention, will, effort, and practice. This won’t be easy.
In the counseling world, they call this the contemplation stage of change. This is the place where we get to the bottom of why we want to change. At this stage, we weigh the cost of changing versus staying the same. It is here in this place where we need to see that our habits, are actually causing us more harm than good. This is where we tip the scales to see that making the change will result in a huge gain for us.
What’s before contemplation?
According to Debra Fileta, contemplation is actually the second stage of change. The stage prior to contemplation is called pre-contemplation. This is the point where our past habits still seem more beneficial the changing. A great example of pre-contemplation is the moment before you choose to listen to a podcast or read an article on how to improve.
In the contemplation stage, we begin to see that the results of our change in behavior far outweigh our old habits. It is here where we begin to see the change as the reward. Getting to this point takes a lot of work. Debra emphasizes that we need to change the way we see our behavior.
We need to see the ways in which not changing is holding us back from the person we were created to be.
In chapter five of the book of John, we see Jesus at the pool of Bethesda asking the paralytic, “Do you want to get well?” You may be well acquainted with the story, but I would encourage you to read the chapter again with fresh eyes.
Picture Jesus asking you the same question:
“Do you want to get well?”
Maybe phrase is a different way:
“Do you want to be healed?”
Ask yourself, Do I want to change?
Then ask yourself, Why? And more importantly, why now?
Source
[1] Fileta, D. (2023). Reset. Harvest House Publishers.
