Something New
Expectations are a funny thing.
We have expectations for ourselves, toothpaste, favorite restaurants, friends, loved ones, bosses, and God. We seem to have expectations for everything and everyone we come across. Without realizing it, we determine how someone or something should behave, communicate, and operate.
When it comes to setting expectations for ourselves or others, there tends to be one common thread. Whether we are thinking of a friend or ourselves, we tend to set unrealistic expectations. Without realizing it, we have set a high bar that no human can live up to.
Expectations of Ourselves
“By this time in my life, I thought I would be BLANK.“
When it comes to the realities of life, we often get the timing wrong. The statement above provides but one example of where we tend to get things wrong. Life rarely operates under our set of guidelines. We have standards for ourselves, and when life does not play out the way we envisioned, we can find ourselves bathing in disgust or disappointment.
High or Low
I believe there are generally two types of people when it comes to self-expectations. There are those who have extremely high expectations of themselves, and there are those who don’t expect much of anything from themselves. There is nothing right or wrong about either of these groups other than that both could use some adjustments. We all have work to do, and regardless of what camp you find yourself in, it’s time to rethink what you think about yourself.
Our Expectations of Others
“Can you believe she didn’t BLANK? She knows how important that is to me.”
We were created to live in community with others. When those we depend on fail to live up to our standards, we often feel disappointed and hurt. We simply cannot imagine why that someone did or did not do what we thought was common knowledge. The one thing we can count on is that all humans have flaws, which means they are bound to let us down from time to time.
Our Expectations of God
When it comes to our faith, expectations are equally as tricky. Learning to see God as a perfect father can prove challenging if your relationship with your earthly father has been anything but perfect. Our current expectations of God can often get clouded by past experiences that truly challenged our faith. Whether your expectations are skewed because of a past relationship or experience, God is worthy of our highest expectations.
There have been times in my life when I tried desperately not to bring God into a situation. My faith was too precious, and I simply could not risk losing it if God did not live up to my expectations. In the book Reset, author Debra Fileta describes a time when circumstances did not work out the way she hoped, leading to deep hurt in her relationship with God.
“Because I stopped expecting great things of God. I stopped asking great things of God. I stopped believing for great things from God. Because I was afraid to ask, to believe, to expect, I missed out on so many great things He wanted to do.”
Debra Fileta
This past hurt kept Debra from expecting big things from God. It also kept her from experiencing some of God’s blessings. There is a saying: no risk, no reward. When we hunker down and protect ourselves at all costs, we risk missing out on God’s blessing.
I am not saying this in condemnation of Debra; I am saying this from a place of experience. When I chose to expect less of God, I missed out on the richness that comes from placing our trust in God regardless of the outcome. I lost the intimacy that comes from trusting in him as my fortress and place of refuge. It is important that we come to understand that God will always hear our prayers, but this does not obligate him to answer them according to our playbook.
We must learn to trust that his ways are higher than our ways. No matter how painful, God is always acting in our best interest. I love a quote Debra shared in the last chapter, so I will leave you to sit with this truth.
“We’ve got to stop and listen to what God is saying, what He wants to do, and where He wants to take us. We’ve got to stop and make sure we’re in step with Him before we go, because He knows best who we are, how we’re doing, what we need, and what it looks like for us to run this race well.” Debra Fileta
In the book, Debra tells a gripping story about her five-year-old son. The doctors said he needed surgery to avoid long-term complications. Debra was terrified of asking God for big things but felt a prompting to ask that the surgery wouldn’t be necessary. She gives her account of the time leading up to the surgery.
After her son was wheeled back to the operating room, she left to get coffee while her husband stayed in the waiting room. During her coffee run, she received a phone call from her husband reassuring her that everything was okay. Being the wife of a surgeon, Debra knew that doctors don’t come out of the operating room unless there is good reason. Her husband John told her the doctor wanted to talk to them.
The doctor revealed that when they went in with a scope, the issue that led to the surgery was gone! Her son was waiting for the anesthesia to wear off and could then go home. This miracle led Debra on a journey of increasing her expectations for God. She realized that God is not flawed like you or I. God can be trusted with our deepest needs.
“When it comes to asking and expecting things of God, I’m learning to increase my expectations.” Debra Fileta
Self-fulfilling prophecy
The human brain consistently amazes me. The more I discover about all of the things scientists are learning about the brain, the more I am in awe of God’s creation. The truth of what we are learning has always been there. Science is just beginning to prove what God has known all along.
One example of this is the power of human thoughts. There was a time when scientists believed that our brains were fixed. What we are learning is that the brain is plastic, meaning it can change. One of the ways this is done is through human thought.
In psychology, there is a phrase commonly referred to as a “self-fulfilling prophecy.” This means that when the human brain believes something is true, we can unconsciously or even consciously behave in a manner to make something happen. Maybe you have seen this in your own life.
You wake up, and for some reason, you believe today is going to be a horrible day. You aren’t sure why, but you just know it will be terrible. Everywhere you look, you see evidence to support this belief. You woke up feeling weird. You spilled toothpaste on your favorite shirt, causing you to change shirts.
Picking out a different shirt caused you to be late leaving the house. It all seems to be going downhill.
Believe it or not, this concept of self-fulfilling prophecy illustrates just how much our thoughts influence our behavior and, in turn, influence our expectations. When we expect to see more negative things, our brains look for evidence to confirm this. On the other hand, if we expect to see God’s goodness, then our brain focuses on the good. Debra says, “What we expect, therefore, determines much of how we live. Much of how we change. Much of how we heal.”
”This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.“ 1 John 5:14 NIV
Our thoughts can cause us to do some weird things. They can cause us to look for the bad and lower our expectations of God. They can also cause us to look for God’s goodness and believe that God has the power to heal. When we fill our minds with God’s Word, we can draw upon God’s promises and be sure of what they tell us.
“I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?” (Isaiah 43:19 NLT).
We can’t always fix everything, but we can choose how we view the world. My question for you is, what will you choose to look for?
If you are satisfied with the way things are, there is no reason to change. If you seek something different, something better, maybe it is time to dig into what the Bible tells us. It could be time to adjust your expectations of God and offer others a little grace when they fail you.
