Build Grit

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welcome to the Overflow podcast my name is Craig
Booker the title of this episode is build grit the

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material in this episode is inspired by scene by
Will Hutcherson and chenway Williams I will talk

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a lot about mental health but please note that
this is not a substitute for therapy or mental

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health care the title of this episode is build
grit chenway Williams opens this chapter with

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a story about her first counseling position as
a high school counselor during her time there

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chinu came to know two students that she refers
to asmane and Dana both of these girls had played

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varsity basketball the year before but failed to
make the team this particular year the team had

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recruited new student athletes which increased the
competition for the basketball team following a

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few weeks of counseling with chin way she noticed
a few things chin pway describes ammani as feeling

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empowered and determined to put in the extra
hard work to try out next season Dana a lifelong

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athlete decided she wasn’t fit for basketball
Dana fought self-esteem issues that entire year

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while Amman made the team the next time around
the drastically different outcomes caused chin

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way to ask some serious questions what caused one
student to give up while the other one put in the

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hard work and succeeded in making the team the
short answer is resilience resilience can also

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be referred to as grit Angela Duckworth a leading
expert on grit defines it this way grit is passion

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and sustained persistence applied toward long-term
achievement all right so that is sort of how they

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open the chapter talking about these two students
setting the stage for the chapter on grit we ease

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our way into this next section about talking about
preparing for trouble possessing resilience or

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grit does not mean that stress or trouble won’t
come our way those who have developed grit have

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seen their fair share of trials they know what
it means to struggle or experience distress

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and as kids and teens grow into adults it is
important for them to see that stress change

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and disappointment are all part of Being Human it
is also important for them to see that they can

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develop strategies and coping skills to face these
challenges headon there are studies that show that

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optimism and flexibility are linked to resilience
so one of the key strategies that they talk about

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here in this chapter is What’s called reframing
the practice or act of reframing negative events

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is linked to resilience so what is reframing it
is a strategy often utilized by counselors or

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therapists that helps people look at situations
or circumstances differently reframing can be

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used to help people focus on the things they have
as opposed to what they might have lost it can

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be a helpful tool to help focus on what items are
within our control versus what is Outsider control

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so how can we play this out so let’s talk about a
situation or event let’s say that a g together was

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cancelled due to poor weather for a teen or a kid
the kid or teen reaction is the child experiences

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feelings of rejection withdraws to the room and
feels disappointed even to the point of feeling

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angry uh so what is the parental response
so a parent might say I can see that you’re

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really disappointed that you don’t get to spend
time with your friends I know how much you were

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looking forward to it and I can understand why
you would feel this way sometimes when similar

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things happen to me it helps me to try and look
at things differently and then the parent goes

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on what is something we could do that we might
not have done if the weather was nicer we could

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possibly go to that new movie you were looking
forward to seeing or maybe we could go check out

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books at the library what are your thoughts do
you have any other ideas learning to reframe a

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situation can be an invaluable tool in adapting
and coping with life challenges as caring adults

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mentors or friends we can play a crucial role in
helping others develop critical life skills this

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is not only helpful for others it is also helpful
for us too all right so as a part of helping build

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grit we need to be a safe person so helping a kid
or teen or adult feel safe is a tremendous ability

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we all experience stress Despair and Times of
uncertainty and as a parent of a young child you

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will serve as an emotional barometer as they go
through situations a caring adult Mentor or coach

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in the life of a teen can improve their ability to
persist through the inevitable ups and downs and

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Life by serving as a safe person so what makes a
person feel safe it is helpful to note that safety

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includes physical emotional and environmental
safety with young kids their world is rather small

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and well- defined their safety revolves around
a few familiar places and adults showing up at

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predictable times when they say they will as kids
and teens get older older they experience more

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places and additional people these new experiences
bring in new more bring in new more complex issues

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and questions all right so avoiding rescuing
kids from challenging situations the tendency

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of parents in caring adults is to jump in whenever
a child stumbles or when they experience anxiety

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or fear chin way and will suggest that this may
improve things in the short short term but it

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doesn’t allow them the opportunity to develop
life coping skills it’s essential that adults

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help kids learn to manage their anxiety fear and
distress without intervening so we dig into some

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of the ways that we can do this some of the ways
that we can help uh first up is highlight current

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strengths and pass victories disappointments are
an unavoidable part of life for team going through

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despair they can prove especially challenging the
human brain is quick to pull up past examples of

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failure building a case as to why this is
impossible as a parent or caring adult you

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can play an important part in highlighting
some past successes and victories that will

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help build confidence everyone needs their own
fan club and you can be the person to help them

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remember all they have faced and the hurdles they
have overcome uh so they move on to talking about

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a growth mindset and recovering from despair
can be a huge challenge for anyone and after

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digging oneself out of a pit it can be tempting
to avoid challenging situations and circumstances

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as humans we tend to move towards comfort and
away from Pain and a person with grit learns to

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push through through the pain disappointment and
difficulty so what separates those who develop

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grit from those who don’t remember chin we’s story
about Dana and she decided that she wasn’t cut out

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for basketball after being a lifelong athlete
and here are two important truths presented by

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chenway based on Research number one it isn’t the
event itself but a response to setbacks that help

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shape our attitudes and next steps two learning
from failure is an essential path towards future

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success an essential component of resilience
and grit no matter what you call it grit or

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resilience Studies have shown that it is an
emotional muscle that can be strengthened we

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also need to treasure the journey some that teens
as well as adults fail us see is the value of the

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process of getting to their goals far too often
as adults as teens we tend to focus on success and

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Overlook all of the sleepless nights and the long
hours of practice to achieve our dreams we do not

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tell the Lessons Learned in the early mornings or
late night spent toiling away with no reassurance

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kids and teens hear of the victory without the
stories of what it took to get there this paints

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an incomplete picture of what it means to work
toward your goal and succeed all right so next

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up is balancing support with challenge when kids
are younger it can be hard to know how much we

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should allow kids to do things on their own versus
offering our support as parents or caring adults

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at first kids typically need more of a Hands-On
teacher and this role of a parent decreases as

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kids mature every person is different and some
kids may require more guidance While others

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are comfortable with their parents at a safe
distance when it comes to Healing from despair

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chenway says healing from despare often comes
from small but consistent changes in thinking

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feeling and doing focusing on these resilience
and grit tools will Empower young people so they

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can better navigate difficult life situations
while simultaneously growing to be confident

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in who God designed them to be an overcomer
that’s all for this episode if you like the

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