We Go Way Back

We Go Way Back

Episode: 058

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We Go Way Back

Go Back to Go Forward

“…the only way we can successfully move forward is when we have successfully looked back.” Debra Fileta

I can remember walking into my first session with a new psychologist. I was completely overwhelmed with the reality of my condition. The weight of trying to white-knuckle my way through life had taken its toll. Things were not right in my world, and I had no idea where to begin.

As we began our session, I had no idea what to expect. I was new to therapy, and mental health was not even on my radar. All I knew was I found myself unable to carry on with everyday life. I remember thinking that this guy’s card says he is a Christian counselor, so he’ll know what to do.

In the visits that followed, I would question why Christian was on the card at all. I don’t mean to be rude or judgmental. I remember the early sessions talking about my past, my life growing up, and all of the stereotypical things a psychologist is supposed to talk about. What didn’t come up was how I was feeling now, you know, in the moment.

We would spend entire sessions digging into my childhood or talking about breathing. I recall being so incredibly frustrated because I wanted to discuss my current condition. I remember thinking sarcastically, “…this is good and all, but I am hurting now.” I wanted him to tell me how to alleviate my current struggles.

I understood enough to know that my history and childhood were important, but I was deeply struggling in the here and now. Give me some tools I can use to ease the anxiety I was swimming in. Show me how I cope with the pressure I am feeling today. We can get to my past, but please help me get through today.

In her book Reset, Debra Fileta provides an incredible example of how she helps her clients. She often asks, “What is the key issue that brought you in today?” This is exactly what I was looking for from the psychologist.

She states, “You have to deal with alleviating the pain in the present, the most pressing symptoms first.” Debra then compares it to a trip to the Emergency Room. If you rush to the ER because your lip is swelling uncontrollably to the point you cannot function, they’ll help reduce the swelling so you can breathe. They won’t investigate a lingering symptom from years past that might be related to your current pain.

Debra says that first, she would deal with the pressing issue and then get to the root of the issue.

This is what I longed for from my psychologist but never quite received. Look, I am perfectly okay talking all day long about my childhood. Just give me some relief right now. Once I find some relief, we’ll chat it up about what I was like as a kid.

I see the value in looking back—I really do.

In his book Chazown, Craig Groeschel guides readers through a series of exercises to help them discover their life’s calling. In one of the exercises, Craig instructs readers to use sticky notes to write down key events in their past that shaped them into who they are now. Later, these sticky notes are used to create a timeline.

This timeline of events is then used to help identify values and ultimately help you figure out your dream. This story sounds like a rabbit hole, but I promise I am going somewhere. When it comes to our emotional health, we must get to the root if we want to move forward. A big part of this is looking at all of your past experiences that helped shape you.

By creating a timeline, people can see key events and patterns. It also helps them identify repeated emotional responses. Oftentimes, these exercises can seem like one giant waste of time, but the treasure is found in the process. It is in going through the process that we see patterns and begin connecting the dots.

Sometimes, these patterns are easy to see, while others are less obvious. Regardless of what category your patterns fall into, they need to be identified, examined, and faced. Remember, we have to go back to move forward. Debra says you have to face it to replace it.

Verse for Reflection

“Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Philippians
3:13-14).

Source

[1] Fileta, D. (2023). Reset. Harvest House Publishers.

Transcript

0:00:03.960,0:00:11.080
the title of this episode is we go way back
go back to go forward Deborah F says that the

0:00:11.080,0:00:17.080
only way we can successfully move forward is
when we have successfully looked back I can

0:00:17.080,0:00:23.520
remember walking into my first session with a
new psychologist I was completely overwhelmed

0:00:23.520,0:00:28.920
with the reality of my condition the weight
of trying to White Knuckle my way through

0:00:28.920,0:00:36.440
life had taken it toll things were not right in
my world and I had no idea where to begin as we

0:00:36.440,0:00:43.080
began our first session I had no idea what to
expect I was new to therapy and mental health

0:00:43.080,0:00:50.920
was not even on my radar all I knew was I found
myself unable to carry on with everyday life I

0:00:50.920,0:00:56.800
remember thinking that this guy’s card says he’s
a Christian counselor so he’ll know what to do

0:00:56.800,0:01:02.600
in the visits that followed I would question
why Chris was on the card at all I don’t mean

0:01:02.600,0:01:09.800
to be rude or come off as judgmental I remember
the early sessions talking about my past my life

0:01:09.800,0:01:17.520
growing up and all of the stereotypical things
a psychologist is supposed to talk about what

0:01:17.520,0:01:23.760
didn’t come up was how I was feeling right now in
the moment we would spend entire sessions digging

0:01:23.760,0:01:30.120
into my childhood or talking about breathing I
recall being so incredibly frustrated because I I

0:01:30.120,0:01:37.280
wanted to discuss my current condition I remember
thinking sarcastically this is good and all but I

0:01:37.280,0:01:44.760
am hurting now I wanted him to tell me how to
alleviate my current struggles I understood

0:01:44.760,0:01:50.960
enough to know that my history and childhood were
important but I was deeply struggling in the Here

0:01:50.960,0:01:59.120
and Now give me some tools I can use to ease the
anxiety I am swimming in now show me how I cope

0:01:59.120,0:02:04.600
with the pressure I am feeling today we can
get to my past but please help me get through

0:02:04.600,0:02:12.200
today in her book reset Deborah feda provides an
incredible example of how she helps her clients

0:02:12.200,0:02:19.720
she often asks what is the key issue that brought
you in today this is exactly what I was looking

0:02:19.720,0:02:26.280
for from the psychologist Deborah states you
have to deal with alleviating the pain in the

0:02:26.280,0:02:34.360
present the most pressing symptoms first Deborah
then Compares it to a trip to the emergency room

0:02:34.360,0:02:39.960
if you rush to the emergency room because your
lip is swelling uncontrollably to the point that

0:02:39.960,0:02:46.600
you cannot function they’ll help you reduce the
swelling so you can breathe they won’t investigate

0:02:46.600,0:02:52.760
a lingering symptom from years past that might
be related to your current pain Deborah says that

0:02:52.760,0:02:58.960
first she would deal with the pressing issue and
then get to the root of the issue this is what I

0:02:58.960,0:03:05.720
longed for from from my psychologist but never
quite received look I am perfectly okay talking

0:03:05.720,0:03:13.560
all day long about my childhood just give me some
relief right now once I find some relief then

0:03:13.560,0:03:20.320
we’ll chat it up about what I was like as a kid I
see the value in looking back I really do in his

0:03:20.320,0:03:26.400
book kazone Craig Rochelle guides readers through
a series of exercises to help them discover their

0:03:26.400,0:03:32.360
life’s calling in one of the exercises Craig
instructs readers to use sticky notes to write

0:03:32.360,0:03:39.680
down key events in their past that shape them into
who they are now later these sticky notes are used

0:03:39.680,0:03:46.720
to create a timeline this timeline of events is
then used to help identify values and ultimately

0:03:46.720,0:03:52.600
help readers figure out their dream this story
sounds like a little bit like a rabbit hole like

0:03:52.600,0:03:58.080
I’m chasing something that’s unrelated but I
promise I’m going somewhere when it comes to

0:03:58.080,0:04:04.280
our emotional health we must get get to the root
if we want to move forward a big part of this is

0:04:04.280,0:04:09.680
looking at all of your past experiences that
help shape You by creating a timeline people

0:04:09.680,0:04:18.040
can see key events and patterns it also helps them
identify repeated emotional responses often times

0:04:18.040,0:04:25.760
these exercises can seem like one giant waste
of time but the treasure is found in the process

0:04:25.760,0:04:32.560
it is in going through that process that we see
patterns and begin connecting the dots sometimes

0:04:32.560,0:04:39.120
these patterns are easy to see While others
are less obvious regardless of what category

0:04:39.120,0:04:47.840
your patterns fall into they need to be identified
examined and faced remember we have to go back to

0:04:47.840,0:04:56.600
move forward Deborah says that you have to face it
to replace it verse for reflection Philippians 3:

0:04:56.600,0:05:03.280
13-14 says forget getting what is behind
and straining towards what is head I press

0:05:03.280,0:05:09.400
on towards the goal to win the prize for which
God has called me heavenward if you like the

0:05:09.400,0:05:14.480
video please give us a thumbs up and be sure to
subscribe so you don’t miss out on future episodes

Show Notes

Episode Description

In this episode, we discuss the chapter We Go Way Back. This is part of a study inspired by Reset – Powerful Habits to Own Your Thoughts, Understand Your Feelings, and Change Your Life by Debra Fileta. We take concepts from the book each week and apply them to brain health.

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Last updated on: 03/28/2024

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