We Go Way Back
Go Back to Go Forward
“…the only way we can successfully move forward is when we have successfully looked back.” Debra Fileta
I can remember walking into my first session with a new psychologist. I was completely overwhelmed with the reality of my condition. The weight of trying to white-knuckle my way through life had taken its toll. Things were not right in my world, and I had no idea where to begin.
As we began our session, I had no idea what to expect. I was new to therapy, and mental health was not even on my radar. All I knew was I found myself unable to carry on with everyday life. I remember thinking that this guy’s card says he is a Christian counselor, so he’ll know what to do.
In the visits that followed, I would question why Christian was on the card at all. I don’t mean to be rude or judgmental. I remember the early sessions talking about my past, my life growing up, and all of the stereotypical things a psychologist is supposed to talk about. What didn’t come up was how I was feeling now, you know, in the moment.
We would spend entire sessions digging into my childhood or talking about breathing. I recall being so incredibly frustrated because I wanted to discuss my current condition. I remember thinking sarcastically, “…this is good and all, but I am hurting now.” I wanted him to tell me how to alleviate my current struggles.
I understood enough to know that my history and childhood were important, but I was deeply struggling in the here and now. Give me some tools I can use to ease the anxiety I was swimming in. Show me how I cope with the pressure I am feeling today. We can get to my past, but please help me get through today.
In her book Reset, Debra Fileta provides an incredible example of how she helps her clients. She often asks, “What is the key issue that brought you in today?” This is exactly what I was looking for from the psychologist.
She states, “You have to deal with alleviating the pain in the present, the most pressing symptoms first.” Debra then compares it to a trip to the Emergency Room. If you rush to the ER because your lip is swelling uncontrollably to the point you cannot function, they’ll help reduce the swelling so you can breathe. They won’t investigate a lingering symptom from years past that might be related to your current pain.
Debra says that first, she would deal with the pressing issue and then get to the root of the issue.
This is what I longed for from my psychologist but never quite received. Look, I am perfectly okay talking all day long about my childhood. Just give me some relief right now. Once I find some relief, we’ll chat it up about what I was like as a kid.
I see the value in looking back—I really do.
In his book Chazown, Craig Groeschel guides readers through a series of exercises to help them discover their life’s calling. In one of the exercises, Craig instructs readers to use sticky notes to write down key events in their past that shaped them into who they are now. Later, these sticky notes are used to create a timeline.
This timeline of events is then used to help identify values and ultimately help you figure out your dream. This story sounds like a rabbit hole, but I promise I am going somewhere. When it comes to our emotional health, we must get to the root if we want to move forward. A big part of this is looking at all of your past experiences that helped shape you.
By creating a timeline, people can see key events and patterns. It also helps them identify repeated emotional responses. Oftentimes, these exercises can seem like one giant waste of time, but the treasure is found in the process. It is in going through the process that we see patterns and begin connecting the dots.
Sometimes, these patterns are easy to see, while others are less obvious. Regardless of what category your patterns fall into, they need to be identified, examined, and faced. Remember, we have to go back to move forward. Debra says you have to face it to replace it.
Verse for Reflection
“Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Philippians
3:13-14).
Source
[1] Fileta, D. (2023). Reset. Harvest House Publishers.
