It's Not a One-Player Game

It’s Not a One-Player Game

Episode: 052

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As human beings, we struggle when it comes to asking for help. Whether we are asking for small things or something that requires sacrifice, it’s hard! There’s something inside each of us that makes this process hard. The reasons can be different for everyone, but there are some similarities.

Reasons why it’s hard to ask for help

Fear of trusting people
Fear of being judged
We may be slow to recognize our need
Fear of being a burden
Fear of vulnerability
Fear of disappointment

In the Bible, God tells us to ask.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7).

“Just as much faith goes into asking as into believing that we will receive.” Debra Fileta

It’s Not a One-Player Game

As much as we like the idea of being self-made, the reality is that every so-called “self-made” man or woman had help along the way. Sure, maybe they had less help than most others, but no one achieves anything on their own. I’m not trying to take anything away from those who have struck out on their own to achieve their dreams. I am trying to get you to change your perspective.

Realize that all of those self-made individuals had relationships with others. It could have been the barista at their favorite coffee shop or the person who delivered their mail. Maybe a friend helped them process a situation or set of circumstances. The point is that even though these people probably didn’t directly contribute to whatever they were trying to accomplish, indirectly, in some small way, they helped.

Even God, the creator of the universe, realized that humans need others. Take a look at Genesis 2:18.

”Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.’“
‭‭Genesis‬ ‭2‬:‭18‬ ‭NLT‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/116/gen.2.18.NLT

I’d bet if you asked most people why they do not ask for help, fear is up there at the top of their list of reasons. They might not come out and say it, but their words are soaked with fear. I am not saying that the reasons behind those fears are unfounded. We’ve all been hurt in some way. Throughout our lives, we all get hurt. You might have been betrayed, abandoned, disappointed, or mistreated.

These are all very legitimate reasons to be weary when it comes to reaching out for help. What I want you to see is that we must not allow our past experiences to prevent us from making new ones.

If you have air in your lungs, God has a purpose and a plan for your life. If we allow our past experiences to prevent us from living out our purpose, we rob ourselves and others of blessings from God. Making positive changes in our lives will never be easy or convenient. If we wait until we feel safe “enough” or until we meet the “right” person, we will miss out.

If you wait for all of these things to be right, then you will wake up at the end of your life with a long list of regrets.

Back to those reasons, you fail to reach out for help.

The big, overarching reason behind many of them is fear.

Fear of Rejection

We’ve all been there in some form or another. Asking for help puts us in a vulnerable place. It allows others to make us feel unworthy or unlovable. Certainly, no one likes to feel like a burden.

Many of you might have been rejected before. The sting from past times still follows you today. You vowed to never let that happen to you again. Because of this, your guard is up, and you don’t let others in.

Perhaps you were embarrassed. You put yourself out there before and got shot down. Or you asked for help and got no response. Not only did they fail you, they didn’t even acknowledge your request.

The list of reasons could go on and on. I have barely scratched the surface here. The feelings behind the reasons are important. I’m not glazing over them or trying to act like they are not important. What I want you to see is that we cannot allow them to hold us back forever.

Another thing I hope you see is that a lot of the fear is based on assumptions. The feelings are real, and they cause us to hesitate when it comes to asking for help. We get all up in our heads and create a long list of reasons why we cannot ask people. The truth is that many people want to help other people.

Past negative experiences cause us to assume the worst and not give others the chance to prove us wrong. And so the battle in our minds ensues.

Getting to the Ask

Let’s just say that you want to give this a try. You want to see if what you experienced before is still true today. Your fear has you hesitating, but you are still curious.

Define the Problem

The first step would be to define the problem. The problem is something that keeps coming up again and again. You try to fix it, change it, or improve on it, but still, you fail to make progress. The longer you battle with it, the more it becomes clear you should have asked for help long ago.

Identify the Need

Sometimes, it is not necessarily a problem but more like a need. This need could be help with the kids, maintaining the yard, or finding a doctor. Many times, people are glad to help if you will just help them understand your needs. It’s important for you to put the need into words.

Identify the Person

Anytime you are facing a challenge, it can be helpful to identify the person or persons who can help. This is not a time to come up with reasons they can or cannot help. Just make a list of who could possibly help.

The Ask

You have made it this far, which is great. Let’s not forget to take time to think about how, when, and where you will ask. Maybe a phone call or a text will do. Depending on what you need, this may require an in-person meeting. Whatever this looks like, write it down or map it out.

Whatever your need, no matter the problem, take time to work through these steps and come up with a plan to reach out for help.

As I often do, I would ask what the Bible has to say about this topic. For this, we can turn to Matthew 7:7.

Verse for Reflection

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7).

Source

[1] Fileta, D. (2023). Reset. Harvest House Publishers.

Transcript

0:00:00.240,0:00:06.720
welcome to the Overflow podcast my name is Craig
Booker the title of this episode is it’s not a

0:00:06.720,0:00:13.560
one-player game the material in this episode
is inspired by reset by Deborah F I will talk a

0:00:13.560,0:00:18.680
lot about mental health but please note that this
is not a substitute for therapy or mental health

0:00:18.680,0:00:25.480
care as human beings we struggle when it comes
to asking for help whether we asking for small

0:00:25.480,0:00:31.080
things or for something that requires sacrifice
it’s hard there’s some something inside of us

0:00:31.080,0:00:37.520
that makes this process incredibly difficult the
reasons can be different for everyone but there

0:00:37.520,0:00:46.360
are some similarities some of those include fear
of trusting people fear of being judged we may be

0:00:46.360,0:00:55.400
slow to recognize our need fear of being a burden
fear of vulnerability and fear of disappointment

0:00:55.400,0:01:02.520
in the Bible God tells us to ask in Matthew
chapter 7:7 it says ask and it will be given

0:01:02.520,0:01:10.560
to you seek and you will find knock and the door
will be open to you Deborah F says just as much

0:01:10.560,0:01:18.280
Faith goes into asking as into believing that we
will receive it’s not a one-player game as much

0:01:18.280,0:01:25.760
as we like the idea of being self-made the reality
is that every so-called self-made man or woman had

0:01:25.760,0:01:33.400
help along the way sure maybe they had less help
than most others but no one achieves anything on

0:01:33.400,0:01:38.560
their own I’m not trying to take anything away
from those who have struck out on their own to

0:01:38.560,0:01:44.640
achieve their dreams I’m trying to get you to
change your perspective realize that all of

0:01:44.640,0:01:50.560
those self-made individuals had relationships
with others it could have been the Barista at

0:01:50.560,0:01:56.040
their favorite coffee shop or the person who
delivered their mail maybe a friend helped them

0:01:56.040,0:02:02.600
process a situation or a set of circumstances the
point is that even though these people probably

0:02:02.600,0:02:08.200
didn’t directly contribute to whatever they
were trying to accomplish indirectly in some

0:02:08.200,0:02:15.160
small way they helped even God the creator of
the universe realized that humans need others

0:02:15.160,0:02:24.480
take a look at Genesis 2: 18 of the NLT there
it says then the Lord God said it is not good

0:02:24.480,0:02:31.600
for man to be alone I will make a helper who
is just right for him I’d bet if you ask most

0:02:31.600,0:02:37.960
people why they don’t ask for help fear is up
there at the top of their list of reasons they

0:02:37.960,0:02:44.040
might not come out and say it but their words are
soaked with fear I am not saying that the reasons

0:02:44.040,0:02:50.040
behind those fears are unfounded we’ve all been
hurt in some way throughout our lives we will all

0:02:50.040,0:02:57.200
get hurt you might have been betrayed abandoned
disappointed or mistreated these are all very

0:02:57.200,0:03:03.680
legitimate reasons to be weary when it it comes
to reaching out for help what I want you to see

0:03:03.680,0:03:10.920
is that we must not allow our past experiences
to prevent us from making new ones if you have

0:03:10.920,0:03:17.960
air in your lungs God has a purpose and a plan
for your life if we allow our past experiences

0:03:17.960,0:03:25.000
to prevent us from living out our purpose we rob
ourselves and others of blessings from God if we

0:03:25.000,0:03:32.440
wait until we feel safe enough or until we meet
the right person person we will miss out making

0:03:32.440,0:03:38.680
positive changes in our lives will never be easy
or convenient if you wait for all of these things

0:03:38.680,0:03:44.520
to be right then you will wake up at the end of
your life with a long list of regrets let’s get

0:03:44.520,0:03:51.440
back to the reasons people fail to reach out for
help you may notice a trend in those reasons and

0:03:51.440,0:03:59.720
the big overarching reason behind many of them is
fear fear of rejection we’ve all been there in so

0:03:59.720,0:04:05.960
some form or another asking for help puts us in
a vulnerable place it allows others to make us

0:04:05.960,0:04:13.280
feel unworthy or unlovable certainly no one likes
to feel like a burden many of you might have been

0:04:13.280,0:04:20.680
rejected before the Sting from Past Times still
follows you today you vowed to never let that

0:04:20.680,0:04:27.760
happen to you again because of this your guard is
up and you don’t let others in perhaps you were

0:04:27.760,0:04:35.000
embarrassed you put yourself out there before
and you got shot down or you asked for help and

0:04:35.000,0:04:43.000
got no response not only did they fail you they
didn’t even acknowledge your request the list of

0:04:43.000,0:04:49.760
reasons could go on and on I have barely scratch
the surface here the feelings behind the reasons

0:04:49.760,0:04:56.320
are important I’m not glazing over them or trying
to act like they are not important what I want

0:04:56.320,0:05:02.440
you to see is that we cannot allow them to hold us
back back forever another thing I hope you see is

0:05:02.440,0:05:08.360
that a lot of the fear is based on assumptions the
feelings are real and they cause us to hesitate

0:05:08.360,0:05:14.560
when it comes to asking for help we get all up
in our heads and create a long list of reasons

0:05:14.560,0:05:21.920
why we cannot ask people the truth is that many
people want to help other people past negative

0:05:21.920,0:05:29.560
experiences cause us to assume the worst and not
give others the chance to prove us wrong and so

0:05:29.560,0:05:37.000
so the battle in our mind ensues getting to the
ask let’s just say that you want to give this a

0:05:37.000,0:05:44.960
try you want to see if what you experienced before
is still true today your fear has you hesitating

0:05:44.960,0:05:51.240
but you’re still curious the first step would be
to define the problem the problem is something

0:05:51.240,0:05:58.480
that keeps coming up again and again you try to
fix it change it or improve on it but still you

0:05:58.480,0:06:05.200
fail to make progress the longer you battle with
it the more it becomes clear you should have asked

0:06:05.200,0:06:12.800
for help long ago identify the need sometimes
it is not necessarily a problem but more like

0:06:12.800,0:06:19.880
a need this need could be helped with the kids
maintaining the yard or finding a doctor many

0:06:19.880,0:06:26.280
times people are glad to help if you will just
help them understand your needs it’s important

0:06:26.280,0:06:35.080
for you to put the need into work identify the
person anytime you’re facing a challenge it can

0:06:35.080,0:06:41.400
be helpful to identify the person or persons
who can help this is not a time to come up with

0:06:41.400,0:06:49.240
reasons they can or cannot help just make a list
of who could possibly help the ask you have made

0:06:49.240,0:06:55.760
it this far which is great let’s not forget to
take time to think about how when and where you

0:06:55.760,0:07:03.280
will ask maybe a phone call or a text Will do
depending on what you need this may require an

0:07:03.280,0:07:11.400
in-person meeting whatever this looks like write
it down or map it out whatever your need no matter

0:07:11.400,0:07:18.520
the problem take time to work through these steps
and come up with a plan to reach out for help as

0:07:18.520,0:07:27.040
I often do I would ask what the Bible has to say
about this topic for this we can turn to Matthew

0:07:27.040,0:07:34.360
7:7 it says ask ask and it will be given to you
seek and you will find knock and the door will

0:07:34.360,0:07:42.520
be open to you the point here is that people
are dying to help other people they long to

0:07:42.520,0:07:49.000
help other people they just don’t know how they
they think it’s awkward or they fear an awkward

0:07:49.000,0:07:59.040
situation that’s all for this episode
if you like the video please give us

0:07:59.040,0:08:03.640
aumb thumbs up and be sure to subscribe
so you don’t miss out on future episodes

Show Notes

Episode Description

In this episode, we discuss the chapter It’s Not a One-Player Game. This is part of a study inspired by Reset – Powerful Habits to Own Your Thoughts, Understand Your Feelings, and Change Your Life by Debra Fileta. We take concepts from the book each week and apply them to brain health.

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Last updated on: 02/26/2024

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