As human beings, we struggle when it comes to asking for help. Whether we are asking for small things or something that requires sacrifice, it’s hard! There’s something inside each of us that makes this process hard. The reasons can be different for everyone, but there are some similarities.
Reasons why it’s hard to ask for help
Fear of trusting people
Fear of being judged
We may be slow to recognize our need
Fear of being a burden
Fear of vulnerability
Fear of disappointment
In the Bible, God tells us to ask.
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7).
“Just as much faith goes into asking as into believing that we will receive.” Debra Fileta
It’s Not a One-Player Game
As much as we like the idea of being self-made, the reality is that every so-called “self-made” man or woman had help along the way. Sure, maybe they had less help than most others, but no one achieves anything on their own. I’m not trying to take anything away from those who have struck out on their own to achieve their dreams. I am trying to get you to change your perspective.
Realize that all of those self-made individuals had relationships with others. It could have been the barista at their favorite coffee shop or the person who delivered their mail. Maybe a friend helped them process a situation or set of circumstances. The point is that even though these people probably didn’t directly contribute to whatever they were trying to accomplish, indirectly, in some small way, they helped.
Even God, the creator of the universe, realized that humans need others. Take a look at Genesis 2:18.
”Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.’“
Genesis 2:18 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/gen.2.18.NLT
I’d bet if you asked most people why they do not ask for help, fear is up there at the top of their list of reasons. They might not come out and say it, but their words are soaked with fear. I am not saying that the reasons behind those fears are unfounded. We’ve all been hurt in some way. Throughout our lives, we all get hurt. You might have been betrayed, abandoned, disappointed, or mistreated.
These are all very legitimate reasons to be weary when it comes to reaching out for help. What I want you to see is that we must not allow our past experiences to prevent us from making new ones.
If you have air in your lungs, God has a purpose and a plan for your life. If we allow our past experiences to prevent us from living out our purpose, we rob ourselves and others of blessings from God. Making positive changes in our lives will never be easy or convenient. If we wait until we feel safe “enough” or until we meet the “right” person, we will miss out.
If you wait for all of these things to be right, then you will wake up at the end of your life with a long list of regrets.
Back to those reasons, you fail to reach out for help.
The big, overarching reason behind many of them is fear.
Fear of Rejection
We’ve all been there in some form or another. Asking for help puts us in a vulnerable place. It allows others to make us feel unworthy or unlovable. Certainly, no one likes to feel like a burden.
Many of you might have been rejected before. The sting from past times still follows you today. You vowed to never let that happen to you again. Because of this, your guard is up, and you don’t let others in.
Perhaps you were embarrassed. You put yourself out there before and got shot down. Or you asked for help and got no response. Not only did they fail you, they didn’t even acknowledge your request.
The list of reasons could go on and on. I have barely scratched the surface here. The feelings behind the reasons are important. I’m not glazing over them or trying to act like they are not important. What I want you to see is that we cannot allow them to hold us back forever.
Another thing I hope you see is that a lot of the fear is based on assumptions. The feelings are real, and they cause us to hesitate when it comes to asking for help. We get all up in our heads and create a long list of reasons why we cannot ask people. The truth is that many people want to help other people.
Past negative experiences cause us to assume the worst and not give others the chance to prove us wrong. And so the battle in our minds ensues.
Getting to the Ask
Let’s just say that you want to give this a try. You want to see if what you experienced before is still true today. Your fear has you hesitating, but you are still curious.
Define the Problem
The first step would be to define the problem. The problem is something that keeps coming up again and again. You try to fix it, change it, or improve on it, but still, you fail to make progress. The longer you battle with it, the more it becomes clear you should have asked for help long ago.
Identify the Need
Sometimes, it is not necessarily a problem but more like a need. This need could be help with the kids, maintaining the yard, or finding a doctor. Many times, people are glad to help if you will just help them understand your needs. It’s important for you to put the need into words.
Identify the Person
Anytime you are facing a challenge, it can be helpful to identify the person or persons who can help. This is not a time to come up with reasons they can or cannot help. Just make a list of who could possibly help.
The Ask
You have made it this far, which is great. Let’s not forget to take time to think about how, when, and where you will ask. Maybe a phone call or a text will do. Depending on what you need, this may require an in-person meeting. Whatever this looks like, write it down or map it out.
Whatever your need, no matter the problem, take time to work through these steps and come up with a plan to reach out for help.
As I often do, I would ask what the Bible has to say about this topic. For this, we can turn to Matthew 7:7.
Verse for Reflection
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7).
Source
[1] Fileta, D. (2023). Reset. Harvest House Publishers.
