Something that is incredibly important, yet rarely considered, is the power of our thoughts. Every day, our minds are filled with thoughts that shape how we think, how we feel, and how we behave. Often, people seeking change will focus entirely on the outward behaviors without stopping to consider the thoughts behind the behavior.
“Thoughts lead to feelings, which lead to behavior.” Debra Fileta
If there’s any hope of significantly changing a behavior, response, or reaction in your life, you’ve got to start with understanding the thoughts fueling those behaviors.1
The ABCs of Therapy
In counseling, the ABCs of Therapy is a tool that proves helpful when thinking about change.
ABCs of Therapy
A = The activating event
B = Your beliefs about the event
C = The consequence
The Activating Event
An experience that triggers negative, harmful, or irrational thoughts.
Examples
A. Your boss brings up the project you are working on and asks about the status.
B. Your spouse tells you they really do not want to be late for church.
C. A friend brings up a recent social event that you were not invited to attend.
Your Beliefs About the Event
Scenario A:
Does he/she not know how hard I am working on this? I bet he/she feels like I am slacking off. I’m just not keeping up with his/her standards. He/she is probably thinking of firing me.
Scenario B:
My spouse just doesn’t see all of the things I had to do this morning, so our house would run smoothly. I feel so taken for granted around here. My spouse must not even care about me.
Scenario C:
What event was this? How did I manage to not be invited? They must not like hanging out with me. I bet they think I am not good enough for them. They are so fake, pretending to be my friends while not including me in their get-togethers.
While the thoughts and beliefs just mentioned are a bit dramatic, these beliefs do not have to be that way. The thoughts can be less dramatic but still lead your mind in a way you don’t want to go. Many times, we do not realize just how unhealthy our thoughts are because we are so used to thinking them. These negative thoughts become so automatic that we often won’t recognize them.
Throughout our day, our brains often gravitate towards what is easy. Frequently, the easy thoughts are negative beliefs. If we aren’t intentional, we’ll continue thinking about these until we take time to address them.
The Consequence
Let’s trace our thought patterns here for a minute.
The activating event led us to spiral into negative thinking. If we fail to take these thoughts captive, they will lead to negative feelings. This could mean a variety of feelings but often can surface in feelings of sadness, frustration, insecurity, shame, or embarrassment. Remember that thoughts lead to feelings, which leads to behaviors.
If we are not careful to catch this process midstream, our thoughts will take us down a path we don’t want to go on.
Closed off and Shutdown – you might withdraw or isolate yourself from others.
Defensive – you begin to blame others and everything else for anything that is wrong.
Aggressive – you find yourself yelling or using physical aggression towards others.
Hurtful – you are saying mean, negative things about others or find yourself being overly critical.
Coping – If you are like others, you might try to escape through drinking, overeating, shopping, or binge-watching TV.
While the ABC model typically stops here, Debra says she likes to add D. The D stands for do it differently.
Doing Things Differently
It is easy to feel like you may be stuck permanently following the same unhealthy thought patterns. The Bible is clear that by the power of the Holy Spirit, we have the power to change these patterns. The Bible instructs us not to follow the patterns of this world. We can renew our minds by reading God’s Word and through prayer.
In future episodes, we will dive deeper into the how of changing our thought life. For now, I want to encourage you to change how you are going about things. Debra calls this “Doing things differently.”
As you begin to pay more attention to your thoughts, feelings, and actions, you will start to recognize patterns. Oftentimes, you may notice you take certain paths each time you face triggering events.
Please know that you can change the paths you take. At first, you may think this is ridiculous. As you spend more intentional time and effort working on this, you can begin to take small steps toward change. All of this starts with A-B-C-D.
Regardless of your default mode, you can change! A great place to start is to reach out to God in prayer. Another great tool is to be part of a loving community that understands the challenges you are facing. If you have yet to check out Overflow, I would encourage you to head over to https://overflow.community/connect.
Verse for Reflection
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2).
Source
[1] Fileta, D. (2023). Reset. Harvest House Publishers.
