Each and every day, we shape our day whether we realize it or not. We all carry an invisible backpack full of expectations for ourselves, others, and God. Our expectations hold the potential to build up or tear down. Each day, we faithfully pick up this bag, not realizing what we are bringing with us. Rarely do we take time to pause, unzip the top, and evaluate what’s inside.
In the book Reset, author Debra Fileta says, “…unrealistic expectations are what get in the way of our relationships.” Debra says she constantly reminds others to “Get their expectations right!” This can sound harsh, but it is an excellent reminder of just how common the problem is.
We expect ourselves to nail our goal the first time.
We expect perfection from others and are blown away when they disappoint us.
We set inflexible expectations with God, saying we’ll do XYZ if he promises we won’t get hurt, fail, or struggle.
We set rigid, unrealistic, and inflexible expectations and wonder why we lack healthy relationships.
If you are anything like me, you have experienced the pain and trauma that often comes with living in a broken world. Those experiences have left you grasping for control, trying to protect yourself from potential harm. The longer I am on this path, the more I realize healing happens best in relationships.
Below are three things I have learned about expectations and how they impact relationships.
3 Things I Have Learned:
1. Self
My unrealistic expectations for myself rob me of enjoying the path God has prepared for me.
2. Others
Setting unrealistic expectations for others keeps me living alone. When I share my journey with others, I allow God to work in and through them.
3. God
By setting unrealistic, inflexible expectations for God, I treat him like a genie instead of God. When I surrender to God, I open the door for healing and change.
How are your expectations hindering your relationships?
