In our journey through life, we often say “yes” when our hearts, minds, and schedules silently scream “no.” As a community dedicated to nurturing both our faith and mental health, it’s crucial to understand why we struggle with this seemingly simple two-letter word. Let’s explore seven reasons behind our tendency to overcommit and how we can address them through the lens of faith and self-care.
1. The Desire for Approval and Acceptance
We are social creatures created for community and connection. However, this God-given desire can sometimes lead us astray. Many say “yes” out of a deep-seated need for approval or acceptance. We fear disappointing others or being perceived as unreliable. It is important to remember, though, that our worth comes from being a child of God, not from the approval of others.
*Reflection:The next time you’re about to say yes, pause and ask yourself: Am I doing this because I want to or because I’m afraid of letting someone down? If it’s the latter, it might be time to consider a “kind no.”
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10 NIV
2. The Weight of Guilt and Obligation
Guilt can be a powerful motivator, but not always a healthy one. We may feel responsible for others’ happiness or success, leading us to take on more than we should. While noble in intent, this self-sacrificing mentality can lead to burnout and resentment.
*Reflection:God calls us to serve others, but not at the cost of neglecting our well-being. Scripture reminds us in Matthew 11:28: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Learning to say no can be a form of honoring that rest.
“Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” 2 Corinthians 9:7
3. The Fear of Conflict or Rejection
No one enjoys conflict. The thought of upsetting someone is enough to make most of us agree to things we don’t have time for. This can be heightened in communities as we seek harmony and kindness. However, avoiding conflict by over-committing can lead to internal unrest in our minds and spirits.
The truth is, you don’t have to say yes to keep the peace. Healthy relationships, built on mutual respect, can withstand a no. And in many cases, the other person may respect you even more for setting clear boundaries. Healthy boundaries are essential for our well-being and our relationships.
*Reflection: “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” – 2 Timothy 1:7*
4. The Belief That “More” Equals “Better”
Being busy is often seen as a badge of honor. In today’s society, we’re conditioned to believe that more equals better. This mindset can make us feel that saying yes will help us be more successful, accomplished, or closer to God. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. God doesn’t measure our worth by how much we do but by who we are in Him.
*Reflection:Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” This doesn’t mean overloading yourself; it’s about trusting God to guide you in doing the right things.
5. The Desire to Be the Hero
Some of us have a strong urge to “save the day” or fix every problem. This “fixer” or “rescuer” complex can stem from believing things will fall apart if we don’t step in. While helping others is admirable, we must remember that we’re not called to be saviors – that role has already been filled.
*Reflection: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” – Matthew 11:28*
6. The Lack of Self-Awareness
Many of us say “yes” out of habit without considering why. We may not be aware of the internal pressures we’re responding to or fear the discomfort of setting boundaries. Developing self-awareness is a crucial step in addressing this root cause. Many people haven’t been taught how to set boundaries or why they say yes so often.
This lack of self-awareness can lead to frequent over-committing without even realizing why it’s happening.
*Reflection: Start saying no in small ways to gain some practice. Whether declining a minor favor or skipping an event, each no will help you better understand your limits and needs.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!” – Psalm 139:23
7. The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
Saying yes often stems from a fear of missing out—on opportunities, experiences, or even the favor of others. It can be challenging to turn down what seems like a good thing, even when it doesn’t align with our priorities. However, this type of decision-making leads us away from intentional living.
Instead, it’s crucial to prioritize what truly matters to you. Pray for discernment, and trust that saying no to one thing opens the door for something better suited to God’s plan for you.
*Reflection: “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” – Ecclesiastes 3:1*
Moving Forward: Cultivating the Courage to Say “No”
As we reflect on these reasons, remember that saying “no” isn’t selfish – it’s an act of stewardship. We’re called to be good stewards of our time, energy, and gifts. Here are some steps we can take:
1. Pray for discernment in our commitments.
2. Reflect on our true motivations when saying “yes.”
3. Practice setting gentle but firm boundaries.
4. Focus on our priorities and align our “yes” with God’s calling for our lives.
5. Remember that our worth comes from God, not our actions or others’ approval.
By addressing the root causes of our tendency to overcommit, we can cultivate a healthier, more balanced life that honors our faith and our mental well-being. Remember, it’s okay to say “no”—sometimes, it’s the most faithful thing we can do.
