This week, we are discussing how to see the people we support.
Anytime a teen or adult faces despair, their behavior may not be what you expect. For someone facing despair, you might see irritability, moodiness, pulling away, or shutting down.
Will encourages us to ask ourselves, “Do I know where they are coming from?”
Some questions that he suggests to help our perspective might be:
- What may have happened earlier that day?
- What trust has been eroded from past disappointments?
- What trauma have they experienced?
These questions help us see beyond the behavior and empathize with the other person.
Understanding what they are feeling is critical and begins by avoiding shaming, labeling, or dismissing. By feeling the feelings with them, you’ll have the opportunity to lead them to a place of logical processing. This process of seeing beyond their behavior helps them move from emotional processing to logical processing. The more we help them do this, the more they feel seen and, in turn, emotionally exhale.
Discussion:
- This week, we learned about meeting logic with logic and emotion with emotion. A big part of this involves showing empathy. It’s important to use phrases like, “I can see that you feel…” Remember to ask questions about how they feel. Use a Feelings Wheel or try asking the questions below. The goal here is to get the other person to emotionally exhale.
Do you feel …- Lonely?
- Hurt?
- Angry?
- Embarrassed?
- Ashamed?
- Alone?
- Afraid?
- There are times when we see what’s going on in someone’s life, acknowledge their emotions, and realize it could be developing into something more complex.
When you observe signs that might indicate there’s something else going on, it can be challenging to know how to intervene. Here are some practical suggestions.
– Remember the classical signs of depression, such as sadness, tearfulness, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, difficulty concentrating, changes in sleep and/ or appetite, and loss of interest in friends or typically enjoyable activities. If the signs persist, it might be time to visit their doctor or a counselor.
– Check in with the person regularly. Talk about changes in mood or behavior that you have observed. While talking with them, see if you can help them determine if this is something they feel they can tackle or if it might be time to seek help. Be intentional in encouraging them to feel their feelings and to express their emotions, even the most challenging ones.
- When someone in your life says something that causes concern, it can overwhelm the best of friends, coaches, or parents. Knowing how to respond in the moment is an important skill that everyone can learn.
Here are a few tips:
Show up with empathy: “It sounds like you are going through a tough time right now. Sometimes, it can seem like things might not get better and it is easy to lose hope. Can you tell me more about how you are feeling?”
Follow up with a few direct questions: 1. Are you thinking about hurting yourself? 2. Are you thinking about killing yourself?
These are tough conversations. Be sure to practice self-care and know when to seek help. If the other person says yes or indicates they might be thinking of killing themselves, seek professional help. Do not try to navigate suicide alone.
