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what if I told you that the key to better
relationships with both people and God
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has been hiding in plain sight all along hello
everyone in this episode we’re diving deep into
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the fascinating world of attachment Theory and
how it impacts our relationships not just with
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other people but with God as well in this episode
we’ll explore different attachment Styles how they
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develop and most importantly how understanding
them can help us Forge deep deeper more meaningful
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connections so whether you’re struggling with
relationships trying to start new ones or simply
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want to grow this episode is for you what is
attachment Theory according to Deborah feda
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she says that attachment theory is a counseling
principle that refers to our ability to connect
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with our emotions as well as significant others
in our lives what are the types of attachment
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according to Deborah f in her book reset she says
there are two broad categories one being secure
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attachment and this is a healthy connection with
others and then you have insecure attachment this
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is struggling to feel wanted loved valued needed
appreciated or cared for under this umbrella of
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insecure attachment there are three types the
first one is what she calls anxious attachment
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and this is your worried about relationship with
others you’re well aware of your relationship with
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others but you may seem needy uh second one is a
shutdown attachment you avoid relying on others
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you prefer control you feel that people can’t
be trusted and and because of these feelings
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you keep your feelings bottled up and then third
is shame-based attachment you may blame yourself
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for relationship fail failures you feel that you
don’t deserve relationships you may push others
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away and fear that people will see the real you
and run away attachment theory in God how does our
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attachment style impact our relationship with God
our attachment with God is more about how we see
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and experience him and less about the things we
do to prove that we follow God you see humans TR
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tend to look at our lives through the lens of
our past we tend to attach to God based on our
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own attachment style all right continuing our
discussion of attachment Theory and God in her
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book reset Deborah feda mentions another book
by crisen Mayfield that is titled attachment to
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God and she follows this by giving some examples
about each of the insecure attachment Styles and
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how they may impact our relationship with God so
the first one being an anxious attachment style so
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applying this we might worry that God might not
stay close so we perform what Deborah calls our
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spiritual checklist to keep him close number
two if we have a shutdown attachment style we
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might be afraid to show him our feelings maybe
fearing that God may be disappointed in us and
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third shame attachment Style we might wonder if
we are good enough to deserve his love we might
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lean towards self blame stay attached now we’ve
talked about these and broken them down but I want
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to offer you some encouragement and as much as
I’m teaching this and sharing this with you I am
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telling this to myself as well regardless of what
place in your life or what place in your journey
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you find yourself we all struggle with this and so
we all need these words of encouragement from time
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to time so if you find yourself in the anxious
attachment style I would encourage you to look
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at John 15:4 in I will be reading from the NLT it
says remain in me and I will remain in you for a
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branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from
the vine and you cannot be fruitful unless you
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remain in me now there’s a lot going going on
in this verse but what I want to point out is
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that God longs to be close to you he longs to be
close to me and any thought that is in your brain
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that tells you otherwise is a lie second I want
to look at the categories of shutdown and shame
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attachment Styles there is nothing that we can do
as humans as children of God positive or negative
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that will cause God to love us more or less God’s
love is unconditional meanings God lover never
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changes based on our performance and God is bigger
than our emotions uh he’s bigger than the drama
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that we may bring with our past or our present
emotions so whatever you’ve got whatever you’re
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feeling God can handle it all right we’re now at
my favorite segment of the podcast and that is
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the take action segment this is when we apply the
things that we’ve learned in the episode in this
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exercise we’re going to be talking about how we
connect with God and others so number one is out
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of the three insecure attachment Styles listed
which one do you relate with the most number
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two it says list experiences from your past that
may have influenced your attachment style number
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three has two parts part A is how does your
attachment style play out in your relationship
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with others and Part B is how does it play out in
your relationship with God number four is what is
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one thing you can do this week to intentionally
stay attached to God and number five is what is
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one thing you can do this week to intentionally
stay attached to others verse reflection this
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week’s verse is in John chapter 15:4 and I’ll
be reading from the NLT it says remain in me
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and I will remain in you for a branch cannot
produce fruit if it is severed from the vine
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and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain
in me let’s review what we’ve learned in this
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episode we broke down the different attachment
Styles we explored how these attachment Styles
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develop and we discussed how understanding
them can help us Forge deep more meaningful
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connections now keep in mind that understanding
our attachment style is the first step towards
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healthier relationships no matter your past
experiences it’s possible to develop more
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secure attachments remember to stay connected stay
attached and watch your relationships transform
