When it comes to facing challenges in our lives, what is it that determines whether we will give up or persist through the ups and downs?
In this week’s chapter, Chinwé Williams tells us a story about two girls from a high school basketball team. The two athletes were extremely talented, high performers who had starting positions on the varsity team the year before. This particular year, the girls failed to make the team due to increased competition. Chinwé tells how one of the players put in the extra work and made the team the next year while the other player struggled and decided to call it quits.
Both were gifted, bright girls talented in their own right. So what caused one to persist while the other one, a lifelong athlete, decided basketball just wasn’t for her?
The short answer is resilience. Another popular term for resilience is GRIT.
This week, we are learning how to Build Grit in our lives and in the people around us.
Angela Duckwork, a leading expert on grit, defines it this way, “Grit is passion and sustained persistence applied toward long-term achievement!”
While possessing grit won’t prevent trouble from coming our way, there are strategies and coping skills that can better prepare someone to handle life’s challenges.
Reframing
One of these coping skills is called reframing.
Reframing is a strategy often utilized by counselors or therapists that helps people look at situations or circumstances differently.
Reframing can be used to help people focus on the things they have as opposed to what they might have lost. It can be a helpful tool to help focus on what items are within our control versus what is outside our control.
Be a Safe Person
As a friend, parent, or mentor, it can be challenging to know how to respond or what to say when someone comes to you in their time of need. We want to help, but there is something terrifying about the idea of not knowing how to respond or what to do.
So what if I told you that you don’t need to know any of that?
One of the most compassionate things you can do for someone is to be a safe person for them to confide in.
So what does that mean?
- The way we react matters.
When someone shares a scary thought, situation, or circumstance, we should respond with calmness, empathy, and validation.
- Be their cheerleader
Disappointment is inevitable. When someone we care about is discouraged or finds themselves in despair, we should remind them of their strengths and past victories and help them foster a growth mindset.
- Bless them with perspective
Life rarely happens at our desired pace or in the way we would prefer.
People tend to focus so much on the destination that they miss the beauty of the journey. The road to our goals is filled with doubt, uncertainty, and countless setbacks. Helping someone else see the progress they’ve made and the lessons they’ve learned can be just the thing they need to keep going.
Application Exercises:
- Reframing
Example Situation: A teen you mentor had a get-together canceled due to poor weather.
Teen Reaction: The teen experiences feelings of rejection, withdraws, and feels disappointed, even to the point of feeling angry.
Response:
“I can see that you are really disappointed that you don’t get to spend time with your friends. I know how much you were looking forward to it. I can understand why you would feel that way. Sometimes, when similar things happen to me, it helps to try and look at things differently.”
“What is something we could do, that we might not have done if the weather was nice?”
- Be a Safe Person
There’s a saying that every person is either
1. Heading toward a storm
2. Going through a storm
3. Coming out of a storm
Either in a group setting or one-on-one, ask the other person which scenario applies to them (1-3).
What is one lesson you learned in your most recent storm? How will you apply that lesson moving forward?
- What is one way you can be a safe person for someone else this week?
